Ring is the fourth episode of the fourth series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 4, Episode 4
Air date 12 August 2005
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide


The episode opens in Navid's shop with Navid playing 20 questions with his wife, Meena. Two official looking men come in and are commenting on the poor state of Navid's fruits vegetables. Navid tells them to get lost, but the men explain that they are from Spire Stores (a parody of Spar) and are looking at the shops in the Craiglang area with the view of bringing one of them into the Spire family. Navid apologises for his sharpness and blames the poor fruit and veg on Meena.

In the Clansman, Jack and Victor fancy a game of darts. Their game ends abruptly when Victor accidentally throws his dart into Big Arthur's back. Luckily, Arthur wears a lot of padding, so he wasn't badly injured, although his back is rather bloody. Just then, Winston comes in and announces that Tam is getting married to Frances, the librarian. He tells everyone to drink up and come with him to the library, where Tam is going to propose to Frances.

At the library, Tam plucks up the courage to ask Frances the big question. The regulars from the Clansman are hiding behind a bookshelf. When Frances agrees to marry Tam, the regulars cheer, knocking the bookshelf over. Tam is highly embarressed.

Jack and Victor hurry to Navid's to tell him the news before Isa. However, Isa still beats them to it because she phones Navid with her mobile phone. Jack and Victor soon discover Navid's shop is now a Spire Store. They are unimpressed, although Isa is excited because she feels like she's working in a big supermarket. The Spire official soon corrects Navid with things that Spire don't do, such as selling pornographic magazines.

At the Clansman, Tam is discussing the arrangements for the wedding with Jack, Victor and Winston. Tam wants to have the reception in the Clansman, where the meal will be pie and beans. In addition, Isa is baking the wedding cake. Tam then goes onto the appointing of a best man. He says that Jack and Victor are unsuitable, because Victor struggles to tell a joke and Jack drags everything on. After Boaby refuses to lower his price of a pound a head for the pie and beans, Tam chooses Winston to be his best man. Winston is flattered. Although the lads are soon annoyed with Tam when he says that he intends to use his old wedding ring that his ex-wife threw at him.

The day before the wedding, Jack and Victor are in Jack's house, discussing whether to buy individual gifts or club together. They decide to club in that their gift would be a favour in that they would film Tam's wedding for him. Victor has a video camcorder. Winston comes in and shows the ring to Jack and Victor. Victor convinces Jack to do his party trick where he pretends to swallow the ring. The trick works the first time, but on the second time, the phone rings and Jack swallows the ring. In an attempt to get it out, Victor prepares a cocktail of laxatives including white paraffin, olive oil, castor oil and prune juice. This makes Jack hurry to the toilet.

Later that night, a Spire Stores official, named Brian Semple, comes into Navid's shop and asks for beer. Navid is willing to serve him, but Brian tells him that he cannot sell alcohol after 10 pm, and adds if he was a police officer, Spire would have lost their licence. Navid asks Brian to let him prove himself, and he is let off with a warning. Unfortunately, Brian slips on the wet floor, as Isa had neglected to place the wet floor sign.

Meanwhile, Tam's stag night is being held in the Clansman. Jack has still been unable to excrete the ring. Winston has hired a stripper, named Lolita, for the party. Lolita is dressed as a policewoman, and she performs a raunchy act with Tam's scarf.

The next day, another Spire Stores Ofiical, named Gerry, comes into Navid's shop. Gerry tells Navid he is on probation for the booze and wet floor incidents. In addition, Gerry sacks Isa. Navid is angry at Gerry, who tries to console Navid with the fact that it is hard for him to cope with the change. He advices Navid to accept that he no longer works for himself. Navid agrees with Gerry, but says the only problem is that he hates being Agent 357. To prove his point, Navid has typed an obscene message to Gerry on the pricing board. As a result, Navid bales out from being part of Spire.

At the wedding, it is nearly time for exchanging the rings. Winston is anxious, as the ring is still not out. Jack is straining hard in the toilet and Victor is urging him to get it out. After a really loud fart, the ring shoots out at last. They give the ring a rinse before they let Tam give it to Frances.

In the Clansman, Boaby is working much harder than usual. Winston gives his Best Man speech, in which he tells a dirty story about Tam when they were in Germany for their National Service. Frances smells her wedding ring and pulls a disgusted face.

After the credits roll, Tam and Frances are watching their wedding video, while eating their wedding cake. They then watch a film of Victor in Jack's house the day before the wedding. Victor takes the camera into the bathroom, where Jack is sitting on a potty, straining heavily in an attempt to excrete the ring. Jack shouts at Victor to get out. Tam looks disgusted at having seen this.