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One In One Out is the seventh episode of the sixth series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 6, Episode 7
Air date 23 August 2007
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
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PlotEdit

The episode opens with Jack and Victor in a Mothercare store to buy a present for Tam and Frances' new baby. They laugh at the expense of the items that Tam is going to have to buy for his son. However, Tam is trying to cut corners by building a cot for his son with a painting of a rather scary looking clown. Tam soon abandons that idea, but he receives a phone call asking him, Frances and their baby to appear on Lorraine Kelly's show as Frances being Britain's oldest mum is big news.

That evening, Jack and Victor are talking about Tam becoming a father at 70. They say that Tam won't be able to relax, and will struggle to control his son as he gets older. Tam even phones Jack from his hotel room in London and asks what he should do to relax, but Jack rebuffs him.

The next morning, the regulars of the Clansman are watching the Lorraine Kelly show. On air, Tam says that he insists on calling his son Tam Jr, will be asking Isa to help with babysitting his son and attempts to give out his details when Lorraine comments that companies would want to support Tam and Frances.

Shortly afterwards, Tam and Frances ask Jack and Victor to babysit Tam Jr, as Isa is failing to answer her door. At a meeting in town, company executives make generous offers such as providing the couple with free nappies and baby food. Tam says that what would really help him is lots of money, so an executive offers a deal where Tam would star in an advert for baby food and they would pay him one pence for every jar they sell (which is 12 million jars a year).

Jack and Victor are having a hell of a time babysitting, as the baby is constantly screaming at such a loud volume. Victor bangs on Isa's door and demands that she comes and help them. Isa manages to soothe the baby to sleep, but unfortunately, Jack has collapsed on the floor unconscious. At the hospital, the doctors tell Victor that they think Jack suffered a heart attack and they are going to keep him overnight for observation. Victor says he will go home and make up a kit bag for Jack.

Next morning, Jack wakes up to find Victor in the bed next to him with his arm in a sling. Victor had taken a dizzy turn leaving the hospital and fell down the stairs. At the Clansman, Winston and Isa are feeling guilty about not helping Jack and Victor sooner, but all Tam thinks about is that he should have pushed for two pence a jar. Winston and Isa angrily chastise Tam for his selfish attitude. At the hospital, Winston, Isa and Tam visit Jack and Victor. They forgive Tam, and wish him luck with his new advert.

The doctor diagnoses Victor as a "clumsy bugger" and tells him he is free to leave, as long as he doesn't do too much running about at his age. However, Jack is told he requires a heart bypass operation. Jack has a theory of "One In One Out", that because of the birth of Tam's son is new life, Jack has to die in order to keep a balance. Later that evening, Jack phones his daughter, Fiona, in Canada and orders her not to come to Glasgow.

Next afternoon, the atmosphere in the Clasnman is sombre. Tam offers to buy a round, and Boaby tries to refuse Tam's money, but Tam insists on paying. At the hospital, Fiona arrives to be by her father's side. Jack is disappointed, but glad that his daughter cares for him. During the operation, the surgeons lose Jack's heart response and there is a vision of Jack climbing the stairway to heaven. At the top of the stairs is Jack's late wife, Jean. However, Victor arrives and pushes Jack down the stairs and says to Jean "Back aff, ya spooky bitch".

The episode ends with Jack recuperating after his operation. He is glad to be alive and tells about his near death experience, but he is annoyed that Victor pushed him down the stairs and called Jean a spooky bitch.

After the credits roll, Tam and Frances are ready to star in the advert, when the news comes in that a 65 year old woman in Sheffield has given birth to twins. As Frances is no longer the oldest mother in Britain, the deal falls through despite Tam offering to do it for half a pence a jar.