Hard Nuts is the fourth episode of the fifth series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 5, Episode 4
Air date 10 July 2006
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide
Smoke on the Water
All the Best


The episode opens with Jack and Victor sorting out their TV itinerary for the evening. Meanwhile, Navid is having a mid-life crisis. He is sitting on the toilet, eating a bag of Monster Munch and is depressed with what he has become. Meena soon tells him that a sales rep is here to see him.

In the Clansman, Winston asks Boaby if he's up to date with his TV license as there is a man with glasses who has got out of a van and is walking towards the pub. Boaby covers the TV with a box as the man enters. The man's name is Leo, who explains that he is from a TV company who are making a programme about pubs with character. Boaby tells Leo to come back that evening when the pub will be busier.

That evening, Navid reveals his new look to Isa and Meena. He looks twenty five years younger. At the Clansman, the TV crew arrive to find the pensioners having a knees up. It turns out that this is not good for the producers. Boaby asks Leo what exactly is it they are looking for. Leo explains that they are the makers of a TV show named 'Blighty's Hardest Boozers' but they're not upfront about that because some landlords would not want their pubs tainted. Boaby, however, pretends that the Clansman is a bearpit, but that the TV crew have come on the wrong night. Boaby improvises that the hard men of Craiglang have a code where they let all the old guys have a night to theirselves in the Clansman and the rest of the week, they are their usual hard selves. Leo agrees to come back the following evening. In the pub, Boaby tells the regulars about the TV Show and the lads are excited.

The next morning, Jack, Victor and Winston are discussing about what makes a hard man. They soon find out it is not as easy as it sounds. As for Navid, he decides to go against his religion by going to the bookies to gamble money. Tam is surprised to see him, but helps him with the betting. It turns out that Navid has won £510 on a 50-1 horse. Navid then goes to the Community Centre for the ladies Tea Dance where he flirts with the pensioners. Boaby attempts to convince a gang of neds to come to the Clansman to be on the show Blighty's Hardest Boozers. They laugh at him, but agree to come.

Leo and his crew return that evening, but Leo is impatient as nothing seems to be happening. Boaby states that it doesn't start till 8 o'clock. At that moment, a ned drops a glass, and Boaby goes into character, chasing them out of the pub with a snooker cue. Jack and Victor then come in armed with swords, which they don't need to use. Winston comes in shouting and swearing, but then farts when the camera pans in on him. Tam gets into a contest with Boaby over paying for a pint. Navid comes in asking for a whiskey. After getting drunk on just one drink, Navid gets up on the bar and starts singing. However, Meena comes in and beats some sense into him. Leo is less than impressed and is about to leave when Boaby decides to bring in the big guns. Big Mick (the homosexual man from Hatch) comes in and asks for a heavy. When Boaby tells him the heavy is off, Mick asks "what sort of dump is this?" Keeping in character, Boaby threatens Mick, who asks for a lager instead. Then, the hard man from Buntin comes in. Unfortunately, this was not part of the plan and the man really wants a fight with Boaby. They go outside where Boaby tries to punch the man in the stomach but instead ends up getting a battering.

After the credits roll, the regulars are watching Blighty's Hardest Boozers. Boaby has a broken arm and a black eye and asks them to switch it off. The regulars are glad to get back to normal. At that point, a large gang of bikers pull up outside the pub to challenge them.