Cairds (Scots word for cards) is the third episode of the third series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 3, Episode 3
Air date 21 May 2004
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide
Big Yin


The episode opens in the Clansman with Jack, Victor, Winston, Tam, Eric and Shug playing a game of cards while Boaby is trying to serve soup to customers. He tells the men off saying that they shouldn't be playing cards in his pub as he could lose his license. The men make fun of Boaby, but Boaby just requests that they keep the noise down. Just then, Joe Douglas arrives in his new disabled buggy. Tam hassles him for a shot, causing him to back into the women eating soup. Boaby cracks and bars the men.

In the bookies, Stevie is taunting Winston for his choice of bets. Winston has set up an acclumulator which he intends to put Stevie out of business.

The lads have to find a new venue for their card games. The venue turns out to be Jack's house. Isa is nosing, as usual, but it turns out that she has made sandwiches for the men, so Jack invites her in. Winston arrives later to see a tense game between Tam and Joe. Joe unwisely bets his buggy and Tam wins the game. Despite the fact that Joe's need for the buggy is much greater than Tam's, he refuses to give it back to Joe. This causes the others to hate Tam for his selfishness. Poor Joe requires someone to carry him home.

The next morning, Jack and Victor are in Navid's shop. They invite Navid to their card game, but unfortunately Navid cannot come, as his wife Meena reminds him that Muslims are forbidden to gamble or drink. Tam comes into the shop with Joe's buggy. Jack and Victor are quick to chastise him. Navid also criticises Tam by saying he has seen some horrors in his time such as murders and robberies but an able-bodied man going about in an invalid's buggy is by far the lowest thing he has seen. However, once Jack and Victor have left the shop, Navid wants a shot of Joe's buggy.

Winston and Eric are listening to the horse racing on the radio when Tam comes by. Even Winston is furious at his best friend's attitude and he attempts to chase Tam without success. Although Winston is pleased that his horse has won the race.

Jack and Victor are visting Joe at his house. Joe is depressed at losing his buggy. He feels that Tam has taught him a valuable lesson. Jack notices that with binoculars, he can see into his living room from Joe's house. This gives him and Victor an idea.

At the bookies, Stevie asks his assistant, Irene, what was the result of the boxing match. Winston brandishes a newspaper in Stevie's face saying that he has won another bet. The next bet on Winston's accumulator is the Scotland football match. Stevie scoffs at Scotland winning and Winston rebukes him for not being patriotic. Winston promises he will be in the next day.

At Jack's house, Jack and Victor show Winston their plan to win back the buggy for Joe. They have turned Jack's house into a casino, and Shug is in Joe's house with a pair of binoculars.

Stevie is now panicking about Winston's accumulator. If Winston wins, Stevie will owe him £32,500.

Tam has been convinced to come along to Jack's house, although he vows not to gamble. After a while, Tam cannot help himself and is soon in a card game with Joe and another man. Things start to go wrong when Tam shuts the window. A woman in Osprey Heights sees Shug with binoculars and thinks he is spying on her. The police come to Shug's house and want to arrest him, but Shug pleads to let him take them to Jack's house in order to prove his innocence. Luckily, Joe wins his buggy back. Tam says he knows he has been cheated. Pete, who has been acting as the doorman, delivers one of the best lines in Still Game:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Shug and two Polis".

Tam insults the policemen and is arrested instead of Shug.

After the credits roll, Stevie is depressed to hear that Winston's horse has won the race. Knowing that he is beaten, Stevie cowardly takes Winston's money and drives away. Winston arrives too late and is left screaming "Bastard!"